Be Kind to Your Projects But Be Kinder to Yourself

Yesterday I finished another draft of a chapter and it felt great, fantastic, life-restoring. I closed my laptop as if I had just led a cavalry charge into battle and in my head I began giving a rousing speech to the lads: On this day we have made something, no matter how small! Progress has been taken from the jaws of the abyss! Justice has been restored to this realm!

But then I zoomed out, and, well. I saw a flash of just how much work is left. The full scope of this project dawned on me and all the colors in the room and all the anxieties in my head began to spiral and blur together into a hallucinogenic rainbow tapestry of self loathing. This is so much work! How am I ever going to finish this thing? I’m barely halfway on a tiny, tiny book. Is the writing really any good? How do I know if anyone is going to care about this project?

And, worst of all: is this book even worth finishing?

I know, I know. I should go for a walk. Reset things a little bit. But it’s difficult to see progress clearly on a project of this scale. I’m learning that I have to celebrate the small wins of the day without getting overwhelmed that I’m really just celebrating the placement of a single component in this multi-million piece jigsaw puzzle.

I’m learning that you have to be kind to your projects but you have to be kinder to yourself. Give yourself a break, me!

So there’s at least half of the book I still need to write and I’ve sort of been distracted and unfocused. I think I have to find a new process to write this book. I’m not entirely sure what that looks like right now but for the last week I’ve been up at 6am writing and that’s definitely been clicking things into place at a faster clip. But I think something else needs to change. Something big.

I’ll report back next week.